I know I’ve been preparing for the hagim for more than a month now, but it still feels like Rosh Hashannah just snuck up on me out of nowhere. Part of it is the frantic turn-around in my life of getting a job and having my brainpower and time allocated to figuring it out. Some of it is probably that I’ve been thinking about the post-hagim, because after Parshas Noach (my official end-of-the-hagim marker, even though this year I’m not able to host a party), there’s two weeks until BMA’s due date. I know that I’m pretty much out of prep time, which is terrifying, as I still haven’t managed to clean my room. I’m finishing some diaper changing pads and I’ve started a second quilt. I canned tomatoes, but didn’t manage to make pickles. As it does every year, the summer ran away, but it feels more anxious and unexpected this year. And after a year of increasing alienation, frustration, and withdrawl from my institutional Jewish life, I don’t know about facing the services and the new year. I don’t davvyn with my shul over the hagim for various reasons, but where I am davvyning feels like the least-worst option, and that’s bothering me this year in a way it hasn’t in the past. I am beyond excited to see the future, it’s all that’s been occupying my brain for months now, but this present doorway into it feels so strange.
Regardless, to those who are on the same calendar as me: Shana Tova.