Out of Spoons

I am simultaneously feeling more on top of my shit than I have in a while and completely out of spoons. I am doing things that are good to do, and time consuming, and haven’t been giving myself enough downtime (and I know I can kiss that goodbye in less than a month, but I’m adjusting). There’s a slight feeling of panic, feeling like I have to get things wrapped up before next month, because my life as I have experienced it so far is about to end.

I had an overly-busy and overly-social Monday, but there was a result: I got a definitive “no”, so our long national nightmare of me boring my friends stiff talking about crushing on a particular someone is over. Then Tuesday, when everything went wrong. Well, not everything. It was just a horrifically bad and extra-long day at work. Like, I wanted to hide under my desk and cry bad. And my supervisor saw some of my big fail. But when I finally got home at 5, the car seat my siblings had bought me was waiting on the porch. I was able to successfully install it in only two tries! Then I took myself out for fried food, and walked some vegan desserts over to share with Mama Imperfect, since we both needed to bemoan the day in a big way, and I ended up sleeping on their futon because I didn’t want to walk home. Woke up in a wonderful way, to the sleepy breakfast noises of Eldest and Giggles, but much earlier than I would have otherwise, and I walked home with just enough time to get dressed and walk back to Central for the bus. So today was exhausted and trying to hang on long enough to be evaluated by said direct boss (which went swimmingly, B”H).

The three hours of alone time I took when I got home from work was very restorative, as was having a good house meeting and doing some dishes. I need to remember that dishes + the gayest possible music on my iPod makes me feel productive in a way that is refreshing, even when I’m exhausted. I’ve gotten the new Professor Layton, but I’m feeling too run down to play it, or do crafting, or other coping/healing stuff I often do. I should just go to bed, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment and all the errands in the morning.

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