Original due date was today so, you know, any day now. It’s both more and less real feeling than at any other point in this process.
I went up to see BMA for her birthday today, and she told me she was having contractions, that the baby was in position, but they won’t induce her until she’s severely overdue, despite how all six of her previous pregnancies went. Also, that her last appointment was last Wednesday, and they wouldn’t be seeing her again until Friday. And despite what commenters said on my last post, I still think a week and a half is too long to go between visits at this stage. And she’s tired of being pregnant. I honestly think that if BMA felt better able to advocate for herself within authority structures, if she had more privilege, she would have been induced today. I don’t think that the baby is in danger, but I think BMA knows her body, so I called the person at the agency that liaises with the medical professionals and exerted my ability to question medical authority on BMA’s behalf. She got to talk to a nurse who seemed to listen a little bit (and why was none of BMA’s history in there when she’s given it over to the OB?), and she felt more comfortable after that. If she’s in more pain, she calls, and they’ll ripen her cervix and get the process going.
BMA gave me photos of all her kids for the baby: the three with her, the one with her mom, the one in Utah, and the one in Canada that I didn’t know about before today. I thought this was her second placement, but it’s her third. The first couple she ever placed with didn’t keep up their end of the open adoption agreement, so she isn’t in contact with them anymore. I’m honestly thrown by this; I don’t think that BMA intended to keep this from me, or she could have never mentioned her daughter at all. It’s easy enough to hide a child that you don’t have contact with from someone you have minimal contact with. But I’m not sure why I didn’t know about her before. Once again, I leave time with BMA kinda exhausted and not sure what to think about something.
Some of this has to do with my defensiveness around BMA; she’s someone I have to respect and honor, and some of that involves protecting her from my own judgement and the judgement of my peers and community. I want to represent her honestly and complexly to people she will probably never meet, and I feel like I need to defend her values and the choices they lead her to, even if they aren’t values I share or choices I would make. I think that this is one of the hardest embodiments of feminist theory and values that I’ve had to enact in my life.