O definitely inherited BMA’s hairline. I’ve never seen her without a wig or a weave, but you can tell she has a high forehead, and O has always had the hairline of an old man and slow growth. I remember distinctly when O was 15 months old or so going to the park and seeing another black boy his age who had so much hair, pulled back in a ponytail, puffing out beautifully all over the place. Why couldn’t O have some of that hair? Continue reading
I have been sitting on some information for about 6 weeks, because parenthood. I have been matched with a new birthmother. O will, God willing and the creek don’t rise, become a big brother in late May of this year, and I will have two children before I’m 30. I’m really excited, and terrified, and working on a new quilt. All the complicated bit comes below the jump.
I know it’s totally cliche, but it’s hard to believe that O is 2. I mean, not from his behavior; he’s a totally typical two-year-old, full of curiosity and growth and mood swings. More that it’s been two years already since that day in Maine when BMA gave birth. It’s been two years already since that week and a half babymoon in a small hotel, being afraid he would stop breathing, watching too much TV and trying to work on a baby blanket that never even got halfway done. It’s been two years already since I gave my child his name and became a father.
Even with the two parties that my parents and friends threw, it doesn’t feel quite real. There’s no way that this kid has been part of my life for two years. The things I remember doing before he was born seem like they could have happened last week, not more than two years in the past. And yet, how can it only have been two years? The changes that I knew were coming have come, and it’s like there wasn’t any change, because this is the way it’s always been, right? And what changes are coming, now that I’m planning to do it again?
So happy birthday, my beautiful son. Happy O’s birthday, BMA. Happy father’s day to me.
On Columbus Day, I had to do something that I never thought I would have to do, that was both harder and easier than I thought it would be, that was the right decision for my family : I turned down a match with a birth mother. Continue reading
Today, I have to re-interview for my job. Given the climate around educators in this country, I wouldn’t be surprised if this will be the case for every provisional teacher in the next few years. It sucks, but I understand the reasons why the administration is doing the things they are. But it’s profoundly opened up the ways in which I envision the future. Simply put, I’m also applying for jobs in other places. Continue reading
O took his first unsupported steps back in January, but he has yet to become confident in walking in any way, shape, or form. He clings to supports and goes down to crawling when he can’t find any. I know he can, but he’s just too scared of falling to try it out more. I try to encourage him, and applaud every time he falls, but in the small spaces of a traditional New England home, there’s always something to grab on to. There are worse things than having a risk-averse toddler, to be sure, but for a kid as full of energy as O, it’s strange how little he wants to stray and explore his new skills.
O has a new biological cousin who is being placed with a single woman here in the Boston area! I spoke with her on the phone when she was thinking about the match, and we got to meet earlier this week. It’s exciting that we will know each other, that O will know this cousin, that they’ll both be Jewish. I’ve gotten to talk to several prospective single parents who are adopting through Acadia over the last few months; I really need to set up a time for us all to hang out.
When it comes to next steps for me, that’s where things get a bit scarier. I’ve never wanted O to be an only child, and I worry that if I wait too long, I’ll never have another, so I’m going back into the adoption pool. Officially, I don’t want my profile to be active until O is at least 18 months old, but when I called Dr. Laura about getting started on re-doing the home study, she told me about a birth mother who was due in August who they thought would be a good match for me, so I updated my profile tout suite, looked at my finances, talked to Tony, and started making plans.
I found out yesterday that she decided to go with another adoptive family, which is both hard and a relief. I really want this, and I want it soon, but I do have a lot going on at the moment, and a little bit more space wouldn’t go amiss. Of course, I could get a match with a birth mother who is due before this one is, so who knows? I’m practicing holding on to things lightly, anticipating without being wedded to outcomes. In the adoption world, in the parenting world, where I have to cede control to others, it’s a hard but necessary practice.
I finally finished the year-long committee appointment that has been eating my brain. I loved it, and I’ll miss it, but I’m glad to be able to think about things other than YA fiction for a while. To that end, basically any time I wasn’t in O’s presence, I was actively working on thinking about other things, and even when I was home, work bled into my home life more than it has any time since college. But in the time since the last post, O and I went to visit BMA, he had time in Seattle with his grandparents while I was at a conference, and he has generally grown and changed.